Feb.20.2011 My Decision

I am what i am
I am different, i am unique~
I have freedom to do anything i want
I am an individual who can control my life
Nobody can control my life, my fate, except me, myself~

So, if there are any people who don`t like me the way i am, i won't care anymore
Because if i care, i will just hurt myself even more
It always makes me compare myself to other people who i thinks is better than me and makes me envy them.




And it makes me always have a negative thinking towards other people and towards myself too, thinking what i should do, what should i change to makes them like me
And sometimes, it makes me pretend to like something although i hate it, makes me act like someone who isn`t me at all, and my mouth could say YES although my heart says NO, all of this just to makes them like me.

And i really hate this feelings of jealousy and hypocrisy but i can`t just stop it.

I understand and it`s very natural, because it`s just one of human`s needs, wants to be appreciated and be approved, wants to be loved, wants to be acknowledged by other human that they`re exist.

And i just realize that, it`s up to them if they don`t like me
I still have many other people who likes me, who loved me for what i am

I don`t have to care what others said about me, because it will only waste my mind and my energy, thinking and thinking what will makes them love me
I don`t have to change, because like i said, "i am different and i am unique"
For what i change my uniqueness just to be like someone else?

Besides, we can`t make every person in this world likes us.
We`re human, cause we`re human, and we`re not God, we`re imperfect.
It`s only natural that sometimes we may make mistakes and maybe mistakes that we makes may makes someone else hate us, and it`s not that easy to forgive us.
And because human is so many and so-so different one after another, it`s only natural too if there are any conflict because of different personality, different arguments and also conflicts between religion, between race, etc, all of them considered that their race and their religion is the best over all

Even a very kind person, for example, must have someone who hate her.
So, it`s just a futile endeavour to try to makes all people in this world likes us, but now i`m trying not to have negative thinkings towards other people again and try not to judge and treat anyone so badly just by hearing some gossips, which isn`t always true. (sounds hard ughh --")
but i`ll try.
And if i makes any mistakes, please forgive me because i don`t mean it.

So, if there are any people who hate me, i will try not to care anymore (although it must be difficult) and try to live my life to the fullest, doing whatever i want, whatever i like~~
don`t care what everybody will said at the end

Like, hey, it`s my own life~~
I am a big girl and i`ve known already what is good and what is bad
It`s my fate
Nobody has right to control it, but me, myself ^^