Oct.13.2010 A prayer for God (my reflection)

God, i know i shouldn`t talk like this..
But i have many questions that stucked in my mind

I decided to wrote it here to improve my english and trying not to be lazy all day as well.




Why i must born in this world at this place?
Why i must born in this family with a mom that i think doesn`t love me?
Why i must have this sensitive heart that makes me REALLY-REALLY EASY to cry and down even when it`s only a small problem that comes to stand in my way?
Why i don`t have this and that she/he has?
Why i must looks like this and don`t looks better?
And the other *why why why* that i don`t write here..

I know we, as a humans will never be satisfied of what we have.
And this questions are the factors that makes me jealous of other people better than me, often negative thinking to other people and makes me envy my best friend with my imperfection ...

Although i think it`s a natural feelings that every human beings sure have feel the feelings i felt..
But i`m just feel bad to be jealous and envy other people >.<
I really really want to erase this feelings from my heart and mind but i can`t..
i guess i can`t help it.

***

And Why i couldn`t have "something" that i`ve yearn about since before?
Why don`t You grant my wish that i said almost in every prayer to get?
Why is it so hard for me to get that thing while people at my age is so easy to get that?
Maybe it isn`t my time or maybe i`m not ready to get it yet i don`t know..

And if this is continues, there are many questions that i want you to answer but i know you can`t answer it for me directly..

But i must believe in you and think it in other way ..

I know that if you don`t grant my wish it means it`s not the best way or maybe it`s not the best time for me and you have the other plan for me that is better than the plan that i create.
My birth in this world must have meanings and something to do for this world..

***

And if i tried to answer my questions above myself and try to be positive thinking,

i think i`m grateful i was born in this family although with a mom that i think doesn`t love me.. Maybe it was my assumption and my negative thinking (again) only, i don`t know?
But i still have a dad that loves me and my brothers and sister fairly.
I also have two brothers and a sister that is cute although sometimes naughty and being a nuisance for me but it`s best than to be the only child in the family that must makes me lonely and bored because there are no friends to talk and play with when you are at home
It`s also a best thing that i still have parents, perfect, a mom and a dad while the others may have only a dad or only a mom or maybe not have mom and dad at all or their parents divorced.

I must be grateful with this sensitive heart i have.
I am easy to understand what the other`s feelings, easier to feel sympathetic at other`s condition or in a trivial thing that makes me really easy to drop tears in every condition.
I also really love to help others if i could because i like it when people feel happy and helped because of me..

***

Thanks God you still give me breath to life in this world that means You still give me time in this world to do something useful..

I will try to reduced my negative thinking and reduced my jealousy to other people too
I will try to think it in other way.
If i feel my life is difficult, i would think it`s because You want to test me whether i`m strong enough or not and You want to tested my faith in you by facing every problem that comes to me by keep smiling :)

I am trying to take this life whatever it`ll be and be grateful in every condition if i can
Although it must be hard and a long journey but i will try.
Hope your blessed in my life, God.

Yosh, so I WILL TRY!!
Hope the BEST!
^^

***

Quotes of the day (believe or not, it was made by me, haha):

1."there is nobody in this world that is perfect, one may have their strength and their weakness, so i think it`s useless to jealous with other people because you also have your own good that maybe you don`t realized it yet"

2."Life is like a wheel, it`s spinning up and down.
Everything in this world is temporary, nothing in this world is eternal.
if your life is good, enjoy it because it`s not lasted forever and if your life is hard, it couldn`t lasted forever too so keep smiling and keep faced every trouble your life"

My reflection today :
I will try to be positive thinking and not jealous much to other people!
I will try not to depends on others much by being a spoil kid but makes others depends on me if i could!
Hope i can do it ^^